CHOOSE YOUR OWN JOKE-VENTURE

Roger Clemens held the Marlins to two runs yesterday and earned a win even though his mom died earlier that day.
Guilt truly is the best defense. It actually won 9 gold gloves in the 40's.

OR:

It will be a traditional Catholic funeral. Each family member will cast a handful of dirt into the grave, except for Clemens, who will hurl in a piece of Mike Piazza's bat.

OR:

Once my 42-year-old son got blonde highlights, I wouldn't see any reason to go on living, either.

OR:

In just one start, Clemens' ERA went from being less than to greater than his number of parents.